Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
