dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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