Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
