I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
