You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
