I'm really into asian looking animals
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
