i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
