bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
