I'm laying in your front yard are you home
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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