Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
