He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
