yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
