it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How external is "for external use only"?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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