Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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