I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
