Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
