and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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