Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
