Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
