I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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