I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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