Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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