I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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