if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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