Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
