They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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