that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
