i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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