At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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