I am puke
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
