Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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