May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
