I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
