I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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