I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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