you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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