haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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