It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
