I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
