how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
