ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
