Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
