Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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