i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
