So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
