you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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