Where did you get a picture of my penis
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
