She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
