So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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