I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
