Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
