Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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