How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
