the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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