It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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