I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
