my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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