I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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