Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
