I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
