alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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