You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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