The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
