Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
