Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
