did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
