Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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